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In the Mind Feels

by Carmen Loretta

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1.
Crow Call 03:20
I heard a crow call out the other day and it did not sound a darn'd thing like it's mates. Searching for his own along 10th Avenue, swoop in front of me, you know I knew what to do. I could be your friend we'd belong to murder no more. I could be your friend you could call me your ally, we'd rally against the gulls. I heard a song sung out the other day and it did not sound like regular radio waves. The message rang out lip to lip ear to ear, if you're seeing what I'm seeing you know that the time is near. I am peering through the cracks in your picket fence, storing up signs and I'll use them to my defence. Every crow has it's caw, and I know it's sure, if she wants me to hear she'll make sure that I know it's her.
2.
Get home safe and sound before the rain comes. Om. One who has lived in sun and lived in storm is wise and knows his human form. This is my home, my frame of bone.
3.
I've never been tested like this before, I've never been broken by the waves crashing into the shore. I've never had trouble finding a home, but I've never felt lonelier as I search for you alone. My faith is weak but you said it is enough, and my legs they are tired and I know that the road is rough. I need more, I need more, more. I built all my future on a bank of sand, how could I believe that the wind wouldn't blow away all of my plans. The truth is the wisdom behind the light, I need to be in your presence all the day and all the night. My faith is weak but you said it is enough, and my legs they are tired and I know that the road is rough. I need more, I need more, more. The sun is shining on the other side of us all. I know you'll be there I can see your face as the last brick falls The sun is shining on the other side of us all. I know I'll be there I can see my face as the last brick falls.
4.
Like an airplane you shot right through the cloud of my heart. Leaving chemtrails of words I've only just begun to absorb. You crashed through the atmosphere, you broke down my barriers, you made yourself superior and I assumed the role. Break down! A message from the cockpit, Break down! Save yourself! Break down! The stewardess is crying and I think I'd look good in a parachute... Jump! Falling, falling. With the scrutiny of airport security you went through my head, taking liberty with all of my thoughts until you were well fed. You rummaged through my memories, there was scarcely a trace of me, like you was the one way to be and I assumed the role. You crashed through the atmosphere, you broke down my barriers, you made yourself superior, and I assumed the role. Break down! A message from the cockpit Break down! Gravity's a gooo! Break down! My destinations grounded and I know I look good in a parachute. Falling, falling.
5.
Bluebeard 02:53
I jumped into the fire like a spark gone rogue. He said he'd feed my every desire and I trusted he would know them. I saw ancient mysticism in his stare. I saw a boy broken by his father in his wild bluebeard. And he broke me, over and over and I couldn't help being his wounded lover. Every time he'd call, I'd hobble over, my crutches in tow. Scrying my blank face in the mirror, waiting for my way out to appear. Soul retrieval's a long road to walk when it's too much effort, even to talk you gotta, trust the suns gonna break through the storm and without a labour ain't no baby be born. And with the calendar pages spent, I could see where my wonder went, she hadn't gone far, she was just meditating on the opposite side of my star. You said spark was our word, I held it close to me, I had it tattooed on my hands. You promised me a fire, I guess you delivered it just wasn't what I'd planned. Your love burnt my house right down to the basement, it bled my river dry. You said spark was the word, I had to let mine go out by and bye,
6.
Bones 03:57
I've travelled long enough to know, doesn't matter where you roam, what's more important is where your head goes. So will you become an old man, and will you try and make a stand or are there bones caught in the hedgerows? So you've been told you have her heart, how does it feel to play a part within the story of creation. She says, " I sit behind my desk at work, feeling like a little jerk selling something made from nothing." Oh you thought you had a chance, 15 years ago behind the garden shed with Tom. Between finishing and opening the next bottle of wine, song of future make it mine. Rolling green hills, away from all the sadness, Take my hand, take my hand I won't bite. Sight of gypsy moth on the corner between, my hand and your land flew with all it's might. So will you become an old man, and will you try and make a stand or are there bones caught in the hedgerows?
7.
Being that unites us, and calls us to the balance beam. Being that humbles me, then lifts the veil so eye can see. I honour thee. We honour we. Three sparrows flying overhead, you are not dead. Three cannot be broken easily, so you and me, we be. I honour thee (You hover over the water) We honour we (and I could want for no other) I honour thee (Plant mineral brother) We honour we. Ala-ha-ah
8.
Snakeskin 03:32
I saw a snakeskin, on the side of the road This happened quick it was just two months ago. And now I'm shedding my skin, left and right I'm sorry if the sight of my flesh causes fright, over you It's not what I intend to do. Transformation, mama make me new. I saw a butterfly, she bursted forth, she was hiding in a cocoon, somewhere up north. And now I'm following we ride the wind, my mama natures teaching me how to blend in to you, we are one, no longer two.
9.
The city taught me how to be alone, the city taught me how to love my lonely soul. The city taught me how to get real stoned so you better believe that there ain't no hard feelings when I say, I'm leaving Vancouver, leaving my tree lined street Leaving where I first met her, saw her face in the bark on the trees mmmm Sunshine, flickering in the wind on a maple leaf, Yea you taught me where to begin, now you're showing me my sweet reprieve. Sunshine, flickering in the wind on a maple leaf, If I don't jump belly first, who's gonna take the risk for me? I said if I could I would, hop a train to be with you. Not quite believing my soul, that it was something I might do. But now I'm sitting here with tickets in the palm of my hand, and I'll be at your front door looking for someone to stand next to. All the while you were holding it down, by yourself in that lonely town You said you'd make a place for me to stay and I could help you, get away we're leaving that shelter, our temporary home heading out to the wilderness with only our skin and bones Sunshine, flickering in the wind on a maple leaf, yea you taught me where to begin, now you're showing me my sweet reprieve Sunshine flickering in the wind on a maple leaf, if we don't jump belly first who's gonna take the risk for we.
10.
I like to say the names, of the plants that I know as I pass to acknowledge the seeds that have been sewn. And never have I heard back such a resounding drone, be gone be gone be gone before your roots take hold! Lavendula, hydrangea, rhododendron, landscaper's bread and butter honey, you're not a lawn be gone be gone. When I'm in love I sing, and when I'm not I clip my wings Always wearing black and trying to get back. My seeds are taking their time, I don't remember what is mine. Command the fruit to show, remind me what I've sewn. Remember just who you are, you have the key in your heart.
11.
Direct connect into my hard drive, a sea of memories and drunken selfies. Do you remember when I tried to hold your hand, beneath the sand? I flicked my cigarette on a hot sidewalk after work, a broken down corvette and that old man's gonna smirk when the wind blows up my skirt. He doesn't know just who he might be messing with. The city, the city, the gum under my shoe, there's always something tugging back to you. Direct connect into my hard drive, a sea of memories, and dirt poor groceries. Do you remember when we only had a ten, and you bought beer? I was so mad I wanted to disappear. But I flicked my cigarette, into the trinity river, if you wanna make a bet I doubt that we'd deliver. When it came to our tune, we were howling at the moon. That county, that county, of sticky greenery, there's always something binding you to me. Direct connect into my hard drive, a sea of memories, and old blog entries. Do you remember when I'd fiercely defend my god? And I'd flick my pony tail past the high school bullies, and think of words to say if I could be, brave like them. I didn't know just who I might be messing with. My maiden, my baby, oh naivety, there's always something tying you to me.
12.
The Wind 02:52
It's hard when the cynic in me closes doors so there's no more room for any possibility. Oh watch the sunrise up over the mountains feel the wind again the wind again the wind. It's hard when I am broken down past my foundation and there is no more room for those lofty sensibilities, open the shutters and let in the wind again the wind again the wind again the wind.

about

These songs were written in the wonderful and wild years of 2016-2019. Recorded in 2019 in my now noisy living room in New England, once again on an old ipad. I've been experimenting with raw expression and a comfortability with imperfection. These songs are more personal, based on spiritual human experience and dreams.

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released July 31, 2019

All songs written and recorded by Carmen Loretta

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